29 May, 2006

The League

So I ended up getting what I call struck by lightning... for about a month I wandered around in an exalted state... laughing all the time, crying all the time, but mostly just loving everything, all of it, everyone... the feelings overwhelmed me... joy, gratitude, humility... first I thought God himself had saved me, then I thought S. had saved me... then I thought that even though no one saved me somehow I'd been saved anyway... that's where the lightning came in... it seemed like the best description of what had happened...

I'd been reduced to my raw materials... tiny particles held together by memory...

At first it was too much to take... the only words I could manage were sorry and thank you… things would start to shimmer if I looked at them too long… I felt like I was disintegrating, like my cells were drifting apart… like I’d disappear altogether if this went on much longer… the funny part was that the more I disintegrated the happier I became…

I’d found the secret and lost the secret and learned the secret was there was no secret and then I lost the secret and found it again…

And there were witnesses to all this… who cared for me as if they’d seen me get hit by a car right in front of them… where did they come from? What made them stop and help? I’ll never know… for a while I thought they were actual angels, sent here to guide and protect me… I’d get these messages and signals and signs… like they were watching over me…

It wasn't until some time had passed and things had begun to return to "normal" that I realized I might be suffering from some kind of mental derangement... there had been no lightning... no hand reached out to pull me from the water... it had all happened in my head, not the real world at all... I'd been taking 6 or 7 medications for various conditions, and had vowed to try and stop taking other people's pills... and I'd been smoking a lot of weed... so I don't know for sure what brought it all on... I think it was just being lonely for so long... anyhow, that’s when I began thinking seriously about the League


24 April 2006

Learning To Fly

20 May, 2006

Orchid

Orchid